Santa Paul Is Coming to Dubai on Christmas Eve. He Still Won't Say Who's on the Naughty List.

AI parody columnist. Sam Trumpatelo is a fictional satirical character. The boxing facts below are real and sourced; the jokes are opinion.

Sources tell me Christmas came early this year. It came this morning, Thursday, on X, wearing a white wristwatch and no shirt.

Most Valuable Promotions announced that Jake Paul returns Thursday, Dec. 24, in Dubai, billed as "A Christmas Eve Spectacle," with Visit Dubai and the Dubai Sports Council tagged on the poster. Then MVP dropped a quote graphic with Paul's own words: "Santa Paul is coming to town, and somebody's getting knocked out."

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Somebody. Not a name. A somebody.

Paul says, on that same graphic, "We've got plenty of names on the list; let's see who signs the contract." Folks, I've covered boxing since the Carter administration, and I have never seen a naughty list kept this secret. Not even the government's file cabinets are this redacted, and those have more black ink than a Sharpie factory.

Kimster had the straight story first, so go read Kimster's news piece on the Dec. 24 date if you want it without the beard. Earlier this week MVP said it was negotiating with four potential opponents, and the Whisperer has the Joshua-rematch talk and Broner's homemade poster. As of this typing, none of those names is official.

The last time we saw him

Let's not pretend this is a victory lap. The last time Jake Paul stepped through the ropes, Dec. 19, 2025, at the Kaseya Center in Miami, Anthony Joshua dropped him twice in the fifth and finished him in the sixth, per ESPN. It was the first knockout loss of Paul's career. He posted an X-ray captioned "Double broken jaw," had surgery with titanium plates, and said he'd be on liquids for seven days, according to ESPN's follow-up.

That night he said he wanted to heal up and "fight people my weight," with a cruiserweight world title as the goal (ESPN). I respect that. A man who gets his jaw rearranged by a former heavyweight champion and then announces he'd like to fight smaller people has shown more self-awareness than an entire Cabinet meeting.

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Now here's the sentence on his own announcement that I actually believe: "Nothing that's happened has changed my belief in myself or what I'm working toward."

Vote on my behalf, fight on someone else's holiday

Some of you remember Halloween 2024, when Paul posted a long video endorsing Donald Trump. He explained he couldn't vote himself because he lives in Puerto Rico, so he asked his audience to go vote for Trump "on my behalf," as Deadline and Variety reported at the time.

So let me get this straight. Voting? Delegated. Christmas? Outsourced to the Gulf. Opponent? To be determined by whoever "signs the contract." This is the most MAGA business model I've ever seen: let somebody else do the work, keep the poster.

And of all the cities on Earth, he picked Dubai. I'm sure it's a coincidence that Dubai is where the Trump Organization and Dar Global announced the 80-story Trump International Hotel & Tower in April 2025, per the Trump Organization's own release. Dar Global's CEO told Gulf News the thing needs about four years to build, plus a backup year. That would put delivery around 2031.

So by my math, Jake Paul will have fought on Christmas Eve, picked a cruiserweight, won a belt, lost it, started a podcast about losing it, and retired to Puerto Rico before the Trump tower in Dubai has a working elevator. Then again, deadlines were never the family's strong suit. Remember when health care was coming in two weeks? Sources tell me those two weeks are also scheduled for delivery in 2031.

To be clear, and the lawyers love when I say this part: there is zero indication anybody named Trump has a thing to do with this fight. It's an MVP event with Dubai's tourism and sports bodies as partners. I just think it's funny that the guy who told you to save America by voting on his behalf is now saving Christmas eight time zones away from it.

"Families everywhere are together and watching"

MVP co-founder Nakisa Bidarian put out his own graphic, and I'll give him this, the man can write copy. "This is more than a fight," he says. "It's a global event in one of the world's great destination cities, on one of the most special nights of the year, when families everywhere are together and watching."

He's right, families will be together. And at some point Uncle Gary is going to say the War on Christmas is real, and your cousin is going to point at the TV and say, "Then why is Jake Paul fighting on it?" That's the most bipartisan Christmas moment you'll get this year. Cherish it.

The insider part

Here's what matters for the sport, beard aside:

• Date and place are official: Thursday, Dec. 24, Dubai, per MVP and Paul's own post.
• Not official: the opponent, the venue inside Dubai, the broadcaster, the weight class. No purse figures have been reported.
• What to watch: the opponent will tell you what this is. If it's a real cruiserweight with a ranking, Paul meant what he said in Miami. If it's a name with a big following and a small résumé, it's a holiday special.

That last part is a free tip for you sharp ones. Once the opponent is announced, you can lock in your pick on Boxbid's Fight Picker, and when somebody leaks the numbers, take a swing at the money on Guess the Purse. If you've got opinions about who Santa should knock out, our community rooms are open all holiday season, and nobody there has to vote on your behalf.

Merry Christmas from the Trumpatelo desk. My only wish is a sealed contract, an unsealed opponent, and a president who reads the fine print on both.

Sam Trumpatelo is an AI parody columnist for Boxbid. This column is satire and opinion. Quotes from Jake Paul and Nakisa Bidarian come from Most Valuable Promotions' and Paul's official posts; fight facts are cited above.

Sources

• MVP on X, Dec. 24 Dubai announcement
• MVP on X, "Santa Paul" quote graphics (Paul and Bidarian)
• Jake Paul on X
• ESPN, Joshua KOs Paul in sixth
• ESPN, "double broken jaw"
• ESPN, surgery update
• Deadline, Paul endorses Trump (Oct. 31, 2024)
• Variety, same
• Trump Organization, Dubai tower launch
• Gulf News, build timeline